Hobo Pro Tips

Hobo Christmas gift ideas

It’s that time of year again! A time for gift giving and good will and all that bullshit that no one ever does for you. You need to get used to the fact that you’re not getting a god damned thing this year, but that doesn’t mean you need to be a cold hearted asshole. Let’s run through the most common types of gifts and see if we can’t give you some ideas for your holiday gift giving!

Toys
Kids are the most demanding when it comes to Christmas. You’re in no position to buy them the newest, shiniest toys but you can give them the most interesting ones. Preserved road kill makes for a fine stuffed animal. Little Suzie’s teddy bear might look cuter but the one you give will be lifelike and life size. Little Suzie is a little slut anyway. Good work on being adopted Suzie.

Food
Food is a favorite in the world of gifts. Just look at those smoked meat variety boxes. People see those under their tree and orgasms happen. Your family and friends should understand that food is a little hard for you to come by but they don’t. They hate you. They hate the idea of you. They feed on your suffering like wild dogs feed on discarded babies. So give the gift of wild dog meat. Dogs are easy enough to find, it’s the smoked meat part that’s the problem. Hang the meat from cars making sure it dangles over the exhaust pipe. Car exhaust = smoke. 

Clothing
This one is easy. People wear clothes, people walk by you, people get mugged, clothes get gifted. Combine all of those facts together to form the solution to a gifting problem. Remember, the younger the person you’re shopping for the easier the “shopping” will be.

Appliances
No one likes getting appliances for Christmas. Don’t be that guy.

Gift cards
This one will be a little hit and miss. People want gift cards from places they shop at frequently like Walmart and Starbucks. But you’re kinda poor. Your only option is to get gift cards for the places you like to shop at and hope for the best. But let’s be realistic here, who wouldn’t enjoy getting $50 off a blow job from Dumpster Denise.