Hobo Pro Tips

Hobo pets

In the past I’ve advised the use of pets as a hobo tool. Today I will help you make the right pet choice. We’ll weigh the pros and cons of each choice and soon you’ll have a lifelong companion. Until you decide to eat the pet or sell it for drugs.

Dogs

Pros

• Can kill your enemies
• They love you no matter how you smell
• Able to search for things like food and compassion
• Very effective pet when trying to make people pity you

Cons

• Might kill you
• Will certainly piss on you
• Won’t think twice about eating your food
• When given the choice to help feed a dog or a hobo people will always choose the dog

Cats

Pros

• Eats rodents. Rats won’t live long enough to crawl on you while sleeping
• The best pet for making people pity you.
• Sized perfectly to be a hand warmer in the winter time

Cons

• Cats are fickle and may turn on you in an instant
• Fucking claws
• Need litter to shit. You can’t buy litter. Cats will eventually explode. Shit everywhere

Goldfish

Pros

• Can’t steal your food
• Can’t piss on you
• Can’t kill you

Cons

• Will die almost right away
• Impossible to feed. Goldfish refuse to eat garbage
• Can’t protect you at all. Might actually encourage more violence

Hamster

Pros

• Butt hole pleasures

Cons

• Butt hole problems